Alotta people are looking for me :)

This isn't really a post.

I was chatting via email with a friend I knew from college. She told me she had googled me as Shelly Bielenberg because she didn't know my married name. Luckily, she hit on a wedding announcement of my sister's that read "Kimberly Bielenberg, Maid of Honor Shelly Clark" and that is how she found me. Just want to make sure all you out their googling me can find me easily.

Shelly Bielenberg Clark Genesee Kirkland Ralph Mary Josh Kim Jill

Hello old friends, welcome to my blog.

Dirty Mouth, clean it up!

So the kids and I went to Fred Meyer today. I had to return an impulse shower curtain buy and purchase toilet bowl cleaner. We hadn’t been out of the house all day so I thought we might as well wander for awhile. We killed about and hour and a half perusing the toys isles of FM. I didn’t know if I should post this blog in Clarkie or FrugalMama because the story is kid related, but I did entertain the kids for a LONG time with new toys for FREE. Pat pat.

Anyone with or who has had a child under 5 in last 10 years can share this pain. The grocery store zamboni. Enough said to all you parents. For those of you with a curious look on your face, it is the grocery cart with a car stuck to the front of it for your youngster to ride in while you shop. In theory, great idea. However, this idea never crossed the desk of engineer I can tell you that. They literally took a regular shopping cart and stuck a 3 by 3 chunk of plastic on the front. They forgot to adjust where the front wheels go. Come to think of it, maybe they just took the front wheels off altogether?? If you have never driven one of these things I am sure you have been held up by a mother at her wits end whom somehow managed to completely wedge the stupid thing in the middle of the isle. Here is my mom-driving zambonie tip for the day. “Be completely selfish when operating this machine.” Drive right down the center of the isle, it’s your only chance to make the corners. Get too far to one side or the other and you have lost your center of radius, you will literally have to pick it up the bar and heave it around the corner. You will knock something off the corner display, you will pinch a child’s finger, and you will make a grunting noise. Far better to have someone shoot you a dirty look for hogging the isle that discharge a disgusted look for trashing the store, hurting your kid and making an obscene noise.

Ella was never too interested in that cart. She preferred to be close to me in the front of the cart as we strolled through the store chit chatting. About two months ago Keaton started eyeing them. He is a painful shopping partner so when he clued me into his interest in the cart I happily abliged. Ella wanted to ride shotgun with him so I reversed the thing out of its stall (drug it, shoulda been a clue). I bent down to slip Keaton into the seat when I noticed what might have been soda dried up and sticky on the floorboard. He has gotten into worse so I stuck him and told him “don’t touch” hahaha. Ella hopped into her side and the steering wheel promptly fell off. I wasn’t even aware of how difficult this hunk was to operate as cruised down the first isle. Keaton and Ella were giggling and honking their horns. Mom shopping delight. I turned the first corner and knocked something off, maybe some Hostess donuts, oh well, better watch were I am going. As I purused the salsa, I noticed a young women approaching and I went to adjust my cart a little closer to the shelves so she could cart through. FYI, The zamboni doesn’t shift to the side. I. It only goes forward and backward and you will not change it’s course with less than 4 feet clearance. I felt like a 15 year old trying to parallel park for the first time. Forward backward forward backward, not getting any closer to the shelves. Anyway, the next hour of my trip continued like this. Akward, embarrassing and truly physically challenging. The real kicker came when I went to check out and the you know what wouldn’t fit through the lane. I had to move down a few isles to the handicap accessible lane. As I was exiting the doors and twelve year old parking lot attendant told me the store would appreciate it if I didn’t take “that cart” outside.

Fast forward to our next shopping trip. Kids whining for a ride in the zamboni, NO FREAKIN WAY, my self esteem couldn’t take it. When Josh shops with us he can drive it, but only then.

Well, today we entered FM and there sat my arch nemesis. I figured since we were mostly there to trash the toy isle it would be ok to take her out for a spin. They hard part was navigating the crowded grocery isles. The kids climbed in and off we went to the toy section. Kiddos were laughing and once I again I was at piece with the zamboni. After a good spell of playing it was time to face the center of the store for the toilet bowl cleaner.

Now, when the store isn’t crowed or all I am doing is pushing the cart straight up the isle I usually seeing adoring looks on on comers faces. Two sweet little redheads giggling and ‘steering’ as their angelic mom strolls along. I must say I got several of those looks today. A smile, a nod, a coo, then, what? a twisted disgusted, shocked and dismayed older gentlemen passed me by. He actually stopped and turned on his heel to look again. This moment was caught in slow motion as I leaned my body to the side and forward to see what he was seeing. Keaton has flipped up his door and draped his body out the side. His feet were firmly planted on the floor board and his cheek and tongue were gliding across the dirty floor. Need I say more.

Oh zamboni; fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…

That Kid

When Ella was one, going on two Kevin and Debbie sent up a Musical Chair as a Christmas gift. Ella loved the chair. Upon putting bottom in seat the chair would sing and lights would flash, there was a talking clock and book attached. Shortly after receiving it Debbie called to say that she had been notified that the chair had been recalled because a child had gotten their head wedged in between the chair and the desk attachment. You could order a special bar from Fisher Price to block the space to prevent this from happening. After carefully observing Ella with the toy I was confident that there was absolutely no possibility that she could/would want to stick her head in that small space.

3 afternoons a week Ella has preschool and I am home with Keaton. This used to be his nap time but now he only naps once a day and this gives us some quality time – together alone. He is at a really great stage where he doesn’t need my constant entertainment, he plays with his toys, walks around checking things out, brings me things to discuss and off he goes again. He jabbers to himself the whole while which makes it very easy for me to keep track of him. When I don’t hear anything is when I know he is up to no good.

We had one of those moments today. I was watching the US Airways plane being towed out of the Hudson when I realized Keaton was silent. And before I could turn around I heard a deafening MAMAMAMAMA. I whipped around prepared to see a severed limb on the floor. Nope, just Keaton with his head stuck in that chair! I could tell immediately that he wasn’t hurt or in any danger, he wasn’t particularly scared either. He was MAD! I seriously contemplated making a run for the camera but I figured I should heed Bob Saggot’s advice and “put down the camera and save the baby”.

It was then I realized that I was going to be the mom with “that kid”. You know, the one that at any given time will have a broken bone, stitches in their head, missing a tooth that was never loose etc. Not a naughty kid, just a fearless one.